Girls Best Furry Friend

My dog has been there for me through thick and thin for the last 16 years. I know she wouldn't be around for ever but for the time being she is my perfect companion. She listens to me, she loves me, and she doesn't see my syndrome as a down fall. I hope that one day when she is gone I will find a man that treats me just as good. 

Hard Head In Need Of A Softener

So I can be very hard headed and very sassy most of the time. The thing is though that I don't know how to stop it sometimes because I also have no filter when it comes to my mouth:) Now these three things alone in a girl are hard for guys to handle, but throw in my syndrome! It makes me wonder if I'll ever find the right guy that will be able to handle all my craziness!! 

Mini Me Or Taller Than Me?

So going along with my previous post about children, I recently found out about the test that doctors can do to see if your potential children will have escobar syndrome. Then if you decide you don't want your future child to have the syndrome you can weed out the potential syndrome produced children and choose the potential children that will be completely normal. Now since I have a 50% chance of my child having this I was relieved to hear about this test because honestly, I am not sure that I want to have a child with the same syndrome as me. I know what I went through growing up. The surgeries, the teasing, the limitations, the internal battle with wanting things you can't have. I honestly can't imagine having a child that would also have to go through all this. But I also know that if my husband and I decide to have a child with this syndrome, I will be fully prepared and blessed beyond belief to have a child with escobar syndrome.

Child Blocker?

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I'm not going to ever be able to get pregnant. It's not that I'm not able to it's just that if I did with my 25% lung function I could die and I don't think that would be very good. But all joking aside I wonder if this is going to affect a guy's decision to date me or marry me. Will it make him upset that he woulnt get to see his child grow inside me? Will he be uncomfortable or upset that we will have to borrow another woman's body to grow our baby? I only know one thing for sure. If he is not okay or accepting of this limitation in my life, then he doesn't deserve to be in it and he is not the man for me.

Hunter of Food

I have an immobile pallete due to my syndrome so when I choke on food, it becomes troublesome trying to get it out. So because of that I avoid foods I have choked on in the past. Will a boy understand this? Will he be excepting of my picky food habits? I just hope he woulnt judge me to harshly on my Cheeto addiction! 

Fictional Man of Gold

I have been reading lots of books this summer and I am in this particular romance series that I am enjoying. All the books are pretty much the same cliche stories. Boy and girl date, girl falls in love with boy, girl tells boy, boy freaks out, boy runs away, and then in the end boy realizes he loves girl, boy runs back to girl , professes love. Boom. Happily ever after. Now each of these books throw in a problem that the girl has, whether it's that she's a single mom, has issues with her father, has issues with past relationships, or has issues with the boy in the past. I get to the end where the boy accepts these flaws and loves the girl inspite of said flaws. Now what I want to know is if my syndrome is a flaw that a boy could get over? Will a guy be able to look past my disability as if it were a past relationship gone bad that I couldn't overcome? When will a book be written about the girls with disabilities who don't know if their prince charmings are out in the world? 

Driving Him Crazy

I love to drive my car! I have it all adapted for me with the pedal extensions and the raised seat cushions. Now when my friends and I go places I always want to drive because I can't reach the floor boards when I'm sitting in other people's cars and it uncomfortable. But when I start dating someone I want him to be driving us places fulfilling his manly duties. I just don't know how crazy it's gonna make him for me to sit on the edge of my seat in his car while he's driving, cause that's what's gonna end up happening! 

Machine Sleeping

I have always wondered if a man that I marry one day will be able to handle sleeping with not only me but my ventilator as well. I have been told by doctors that I will be sleeping with it for the rest of my life, which is fine by me because I have gotten used to it. Is he gonna be bothered by the noise or the hose wrapped around me on the outside of my comforter? I can only hope that the man I marry is a heavy sleeper that snores!

Taking Precedent?

So I have always thought about how my needs are always going to take precedent in a relationship that I have. Whatever activity he wants to do is going to have to be vetted to make sure I can participate. Any vacation he wants to take is going to have to be researched to make sure I can get around and bring all my equipment that I need. I didn't really realize that this would be another thing I would be taking away from a boyfriend/husband. But I know that I am always going to try my hardest to push my needs that aren't life threatening aside because I know that I want him to have as much attention in our relationship that I have. 

Forever Friendzoned

I am realizing that I am that girl always being put in the friend zone. I have a lot of guy friends that I talk to and hang out with from time to time but I don't think any of them have ever thought of me as more than their friend. Why is that? I wonder if it's because I'm just not their type, cause most of them are my type. Will I ever find a guy who woulnt put me directly in the friend zone? Will I know when that time comes or will I be so used to being friendzoned that I will not understand?

Fixing Myself to Wreck Myself

I was thinking about the last two surgeries that I can have in my life. I haven't had them yet because my parents and my doctors have left the choice to have them or not up to me. Now these least two surgeries would be to fix my knees and then my hips so they would be straight. I haven't really thought much about these surgeries in the past because I was young and told it would be very painful. But now that I have gotten older, I am thinking about it more and more because of how it would make me feel. But is fixing these last two things going to mess with my mind? I feel like if I got these two surgeries and then met some guy I would always wonder. Would he still have dated me if I hadn't had those surgeries? Would he still find me attractive with bent knees and bent hips? All I know is that I have plenty of time to process these thoughts and if he would not have dated me, I guess  I would never know. 

Comical Uniqueness

I realized today as I was standing on the edge of the bathtub today to reached the shaving cream, that I have some very interesting ways of getting things accomplished because of my short stature. I have to figured out all these interesting ways to get things done and I just don't know if any guy is not gonna be able to keep a straight face while watching me. But you know what, it's okay for him to laugh. As long as he's enjoying my company and being their for me whenever I need him he can laugh at my interesting ways of getting everyday things done. At least we will be laughing together! 

Never enough...

So I already talked about my coffee addiction but I have an addiction even worse then that! I love books!!! Lots and lots of books, everywhere and anywhere! When I am reading an epic romance novel I escape into a world where I'm not the girl with Escobar syndrome who can't find a boyfriend to love her. I am an amazing woman who is having to beat the boys off with sticks! So I just hope that one day I will find a boy that will not only accept my book addiction and the fact that there will be books all over our house, but that he will care about me just as much as my fictional boyfriends do!! 

Brother O Brother

So another incident happened at a restaurant last night that is not a new occurrence but none the less I have some things to say about it. The waiter asks me what I want to drink and then proceeds to bring it out in a kids plastic cup with a lid and straw. Now I have come to accept this situation even though I don't appreciate it because no matter where I go it is bound to happen occasionally. So I brush it off while several of the people I'm with continue to ask if I want them to tell the waiter to change the drink to an adult cup. Now I am not one for confrontation and I don't like making a big deal out of these kinds of things because then it draws unnecessary attention to me that I don't want. Well unbeknownst to be my older brother, who was sitting at the other end of the table, told the waiter to bring me another drink. Now I love my brother to death but this incident caused me to think about a lot of different things. For instance how is a guy gonna feel when we are out on a date and the waiter brings me a children's cup? Is he going to make a big deal about it to the waiter and embarrass me? Is he gonna be mad that I am not affected by this situation? Is the boy gonna be embarrassed that everyone around him probably will be thinking he is having a date with his little sister? Will he even want to kiss me in public or will he be to ashamed of me looking like a six year old? I don't know the answer to these questions, but what I do know for sure is this. When the day comes that I'm on a date with a boy and he gets embarrassed by anything like that, he's not the right guy for me!

How Much is Too Much??

Is it just me or does anyone else have an unhealthy relationship with coffee? I was sitting here pouring my fourth cup of coffee today and thinking. When is it too much? Will any guy I date/marry understand my addiction to coffee? I just don't even know how to begin to explain my addiction to myself, let alone having to explain it to a guy who is really not gonna understand why I feel the need to drink a pot of coffee everyday. All I know is that coffee will always be there for me. Coffee doesn't look at me, see a syndrome and think "I can't be with her". Now I know this is irrational thinking and some of you are probably thinking I have fallen off my rocker, but one day I hope to find a guy that is as good to me as my coffee is! 

P.S. I'm not crazy and I don't always have a whole pot of coffee everyday! :) 

Height Disadvantage

I'm watching a tv show and I see the main character run towards her boyfriend. She jumps into his arms and they have this utterly romantic kiss. Now I'm thinking to myself "gah that is so sweet and I can't wait for that to be me one day". Then I realize that is gonna be the only way I will be able to kiss my man! I am four foot one and I have a thing about not wanting to date a short guy, which I know is hypocritical, but I digress. There will be now causally leaning over for a kiss or surprising him with a kiss because I am gonna have to be like "dude I want a kiss....pick me up!" Lol but if he is the one for me, he will be picking me up for a kiss before I even have to ask! 

Taking Care of Him

So what do you do when one of your family members get sick? I know that I do everything that I can to help them. I have mastered the skills of cooking, cleaning, and medicating for my sick family members so I know that when my future man gets sick I will be able to help him out. But what I'm wondering is if he will let me help him. I know how guys are about being sick and not wanting anyone's help. But will my man look at my disability as a factor that I can't help him? Will he push me away because he doesn't want me to catch what he has because he knows it will effect me a lot worse. All I know is that we will have to work together to get through our illnesses because I can not stand to see people suffer and that coughing is really gonna get on my nerves! LoL!!

Do You Need a Child's Menu?

Does anyone else get this question when you go to a resturaunt? Get the looks and the hostess who wants to give you the crayons and a coloring page. I know I do and it bugs me to know end. But is that what guys think when they see me? So they see me walking past and wonder why I am on a college campus and not at the local elementary school? If this is what they are thinking then I ask you how am I ever going to overcome this thought process? I am always going to be short and look childlike so I am going to propose that from now on we wear signs! A shirt that says "Hey I'm legal you can date me!" 

Cooking My Way To His Heart

I was making my moms potato salad this afternoon and thinking to myself. Even though it will be hard to find a boy that loves me for who I am, once I have found him, he woulnt ever want to leave me! Not to be conceited but my mom has made sure that as I grew up I was always in the kitchen helping her cook, so I know for a fact that I am an excellent cook. See we may not have a normal relationship like all his buddies will have but I know one thing is for sure. My man will be well fed and everyone knows that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach! 

Protecting Whats His

So the day I finally do get a boy to actually ask me out and want to date me will be amazing. I want that perfect boy that will fall head over heels in love with me for the person I am and I also want him to be protective. I know that girls have different opinions on guys being territorial over their girls but I have always wanted the guy that would protect what was his. Now I will not go so far as to say I will be his property but I do want him to stand up against people when it comes to me. The only thing that troubles me is that there will be nothing to protect me from. I have a hard time imagining that he will have to be jealous of other guys flirting with me, cause let's be honest... It will be hard enough finding a guy to love me for me and my disability, let alone having other guys want me as well. But all I can say is that when he finally does find me I hope my guy is willing to stand up to anyone to protect what's his, whether it's guys flirting with me or people looking at me/making fun of me. And when that does happen, I will be one happy girl to have a boyfriend love me enough to protect me.

Stripping His Choices Away

In all my years of dreaming up my perfect man to marry one day I never realized that once I did find him I would be taking things away from him. I would be taking away his chance at walking anywhere  hand and hand with his beautiful girlfriend because of my low lung function. Once we did get married I would be taking away his ability to have children the "normal" way with his wife because of my inability to carry a child. All of these things and many more would be stripped from him without him having any control over it. But if any of these things register with him, then he is not the man that God has planned for me!

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Slightly Loathing the Friends You Love

So I just finished having a conversation with one of my girlfriends about this guy who is texting her and might be interested in her. Mind you I love this girl to death and I thoroughly enjoy talking to her about anything and everything. But do y'all ever have those moments where your girlfriends will talk to you about all the guys they are dating or talking to and you just can't listen to another word? I know I do! Its like all my friends have had boyfriends and boy problems since junior high and the only boy problems I can seem to come up with to talk to them about are the guys that used to pick on me in elementary school or my brothers who were annoying me at home. I never used to mind so much because I always thought back in junior high that I would get a boyfriend in high school and then in high school it was okay because I would eventually get a boyfriend when I went off to college. Well now I find myself going into my third year of college and still no boyfriend to be seen. Now some may say that I need to be patient and that my time will come to have a boyfriend. My parents even tell me that boys aren't that important and that what I need to focus on is school and getting my degree. But what girl is not going to think about boys and especially with all of her girlfriends talking about all the dates they have been on with these great guys. Am I just walking down the wrong side of the campus? Did I miss the seminar on single guys here, girls come grab one? But the one thing that is always in the back of my mind that I try to push away with all my strength is that I have yet to find a boyfriend at the age of 19 because boys just don't want to date me. They see me and either think I'm a child or that "hey there is something wrong with her, and she is just not someone I would ask out". Either way sometimes I just really want to find the dang mute button on my friends never ending boy talks.

Will That Day Come?

Have you ever had that moment when you are watching a romance movie or reading a romance novel where you wonder when its going to be your turn to have the fairy tale love? Where is your knight in shining armor to come rescue you from the turmoil in your life and whisk you away to his magical kingdom? I don't know about y'all but I have always wondered if those guys even existed in this world anymore. Don't get me wrong there are tons of great guys out there who love with their whole hearts and treat women with the respect they deserve. But guess what, they are all taken it seems. But the one thing I always wonder about is where are the men who would be willing to give that love to a girl with a disability? Now I know I am only 19 and I have my whole life ahead of me to worry about boys and finding the elusive "one", but it doesn't stop me from wanting him and wondering where he could be.